Self-Love vs. Self-Abandonment: How Women Learn to Ignore Their Own Needs

Written by Bianca Thompson, clinical social work intern at TKCC

For the majority of women, the concept of “being strong” is not articulated as a compliment, but rather as a requirement. This stigma is particularly heavy in the population of women of color.

Women of color are often raised as the caretakers of the family or also held to hold the position of “having it all together”. This requires women to drop the ball on themselves while holding the space for everyone else in their inner circle.

This cycle refers to self-abandonment, which consists of rejecting your own reality to manage the comfort of those around you and taking a step back to minimize your hurt challenges the women to become labeled as “difficult”.

It is often noticed that in this moment, most women choose to betray their own boundaries rather than face the potential risk of disappointing someone else. The results of these self-learned actions are sometimes known as “people pleasing”.

These results require diving into personal self-love that would invite you to reconnect with your emotional needs and treat them with the same respect you offer your friends and family.

A vital role in this journey would be engaging in therapy or counseling, which would offer a cultural response and also a safe space to explore the roots of these behaviors.

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If something in this resonates, you don’t have to keep holding it all on your own. There is space to begin tending to your own needs with the same care you offer others, and support is available when you’re ready.